Archive for Laughter

My mother can

My mother can

A teacher asked one of the boys in her class,

“Can people predict the future with cards?” His response was,

My mother can.” 

The teacher replied,

Really?” 

The young boy was quick to explain,

Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home”.

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An Arab student

An Arab student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:

 

Dear Dad

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:

My dear loving son

Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.

Love, your Dad

 

 

 

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E-mail to a Wrong Address

Wrong e-mail

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,
so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without
realizing
his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile…. Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her
husband’s funeral.  The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow’s son rushed into
the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which
read:

———————————————————–
To: My Loving Wife,
Subject: I’ve Reached
Date: 16 March 2008,

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They  give computers here, and we
are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.

I’ve just reached and have been checked in.
I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Love,

Your Hubby.

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A doctor and 3 patients

 One morning at a doctor’s surgery a patient arrives complaining of serious back-pain. The doctor examines him and asks him “OK, what happened to your back?” The patient replies “You know that I work for a local night club? This morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him, that’s how I strained my back”

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor said “My previous patient looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened to you?” He replied, “You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you won’t believe it but I was hit by a fridge.”

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do. The doctor is shocked. Again asks, “What the hell happened to you…. .?” “Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor”

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A very depressed man

 

There’s a man sitting at a bar just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand seeing a man crying.”

“No, it’s not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I’m late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and my wife wanted a divorce. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”

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Japan Fast Indian Very Fast!!!

Japan Fast Indian Very Very Fast!!!

There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!” And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!!

The Japanese exclaimed, “What??… so expensive!”

There upon, the driver yelled back,

“Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!

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Clean my House

 What a Woma wants More Than Anything

 

 A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying a cocktail after work one night, when the bar door opened and the most gorgeous hunk of a man she had ever seen entered.

 

He was tall, muscular, and handsome, with thick dark hair and beautiful, sparkling green eyes, and his every movement was so masculine and sensuous that the woman could not help but stare. 

 

The man noticed that he was the object of the woman’s rapt attention, and with a sly, sexy smile, approached her. Blushing, she prepared to apologize for staring, but he leaned close and whispered in her ear.

 

“I’ll do anything,” he whispered in a deep, soft voice.

 “Anything, absolutely anything you want,

anything you have ever fantasized for only fifty dollars.

There’s just one condition… “

 

Trembling with anticipation, the woman asked him the condition. The man said, “You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.”

 

The woman gazed into his hypnotic eyes, considering the proposition, and then reached into her handbag and took out fifty dollars. She scribbled her address on a napkin, folded it around the cash, and pressed it into his waiting hand. She leaned over and whispered into his ear…

 

 

 

???

 

???

 

 

 

???

 

 

???

 

 

???

 

 

 

“Clean… my… house.”

 

 

 

 

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