Archive for Parenting

Parents who abuse their children need help.

Parents who abuse their children are in need of help. A child and adolescent psychiatrist said one in three parents who grow up in a physically abusive environment tends to be abusive towards his or her children.

 Those who were abused as a child often used the same cruel methods in disciplining their children. Even though they had suffered abuses, they become abusive parents because that’s the only way they knew how to deal with children.

Those who grew up in an authoritarian environment were unable to resolve the issues they faced and thus vent their frustrations on the young ones. Their anger is displaced and when a child makes a minor mistake, they hit him.

However, two-thirds of parents do learn other ways of disciplining their children, whether through exposure to other role models or by learning them on their own. Some parents argue that they hit their children because they are trying to teach their children well but if they are honest, they will admit that they are venting their anger.

 Parents often choose physical punishment over the non-physical method because it is faster and easier.

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Spent time with your family.

May I Borrow $25?

Parents do spent some time with your family.

Read on this story tells all.

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

 

Son: Daddy, may I ask you a question?

Dad: Yeah sure what it is?’

Son: Daddy, how much do you make an hour?

Dad: That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?’

Son: I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?’

Dad: ‘If you must know, I make $50 an hour.’

Son: ‘Oh,’ the little boy replied, with his head down.

Son: ‘Daddy, may I please borrow $25?’

 

                                     

 

The father was furious, ‘if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don’t work hard everyday for such childish frivolities. ‘

 

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door…

 

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s question. How dare he ask such question only to get some money?

 

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:

 

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25 and he really didn’t ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.

 

‘Are you asleep, son?’ He asked.

‘No daddy, I’m awake,’ replied the boy.

‘I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on your earlier’ said the man. ‘It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $25 you asked for.’

 

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. ‘Oh, thank you daddy!’ he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

 

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up his father.

‘Why do you want more money if you already have some?‘ the father grumbled.

 

‘Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,’ the boy replied.

‘Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.’

 

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

 

It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our heart. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

 

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

 

Share it with others.

From tengkp

THANKS.

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How to discourage children

How parents discourage their children 

3-year old Rohan was playing with his blocks all by himself because his mom was too busy and he had no playmates around. After an hour, he began scattering his blocks all over the room. His mother walked in and tripped. “How many times do I have to tell you to play in one place? I don’t know what to do with you,” she yelled, as Rohan quietly listened.

 Very often, parents tend not to notice when children behave well. When they do something wrong though, parents react immediately. What many do not understand is one of the main reasons for a child’s misbehaviour is to get parental attention.

Children crave their parents’ attention, be it positive or negative.  

Send out positive messages

Children need to hear positive messages from their caretakers in order to promote healthy self-esteem and confidence in themselves.
 

Of course, no parent knowingly intends to lower a child’s self esteem, but even the most well-intended criticism is still criticism. Parents may correct behaviour in the hope of wanting their child to perform better or behave in an appropriate manner. Instead, they discourage the child further, without realising it.

Critisim sends the following message to your child: You are not good enough and, in my eyes, you never will be. Every situation gives us an equal opportunity to encourage or discourage our children.

The first step is to realize when we are discouraging them, so we can avoid doing so. You discourage your child when you focus on what he or she has done wrong, criticise, humiliate, nag, be sarcastic, yell or punish the child.

 

You encourage your child when you notice good behaviour and acknowledge it with words of encouragement. So, start focusing on strengths.

You discourage your child when you overprotect him and do things he is capable of doing on his own.

You encourage your child when you allow him to do things on his own and help him become independent.

You discourage your child when you expect him to be perfect and accept nothing short of it. The child has to please you completely. You encourage your child when you allow him to progress at his own pace, keeping in mind his age and focusing on his efforts. 

You discourage your child when you have negative expectations every time he wants to attempt something. You encourage your child when you believe in his capabilities and appreciate his enthusiasm to try new things. 

The difference between praise and encouragement 

The dictionary defines praise as ‘the act of expressing approval or admiration.’ Encouragement is defined as ‘to inspire with hope, courage and confidence.’ The latter stimulates internal growth, helps children value themselves and increases their belief in their abilities. They realise that, although they may not be perfect yet, their efforts have been noticed.

Stop using words like ‘good’, ‘very good’, ‘wow’, ‘wonderful’ that sound nice but do nothing to motivate your child to do better. Instead, use a response like ‘I really like the red colour you have used for the roof’ or ‘Your toys are all put away nicely’ or ‘You have worn your shoes all by yourself today.’ 

These responses say to your child — ‘You are important to me. I notice what you do. I have time for you.’ Besides motivating the child to do better, they also help improve his or her self-esteem.

Be sincere 

Honesty is important. So, look for things you truly like and appreciate. For example, let’s say your child has been painting for an hour but has made a real mess of it. If, in such a situation, you were to say you liked the painting when you really didn’t, your child would be able to see through you and gradually lose trust in your words.  

Instead, look for something you genuinely liked about the situation and say that. For example, if you liked the fact that the child has sat in one place for an hour without troubling you and made an effort to attempt painting, express that.

Don’t bribe your child with encouragement

Some parents use encouragement to manipulate their children. Encouragement must be genuine and given to boost self-esteem, not to get something out of your child.

 Don’t expect that just because you have encouraged your child, he or she should now cooperate with you. Both are separate issues; don’t mix them. Always keep in mind, the key is to look for strengths and focus more on good behaviour, so you get more of that

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F A M I L Y

F A M I L Y
I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
“Oh excuse me please” was my reply.


He said, “Please excuse me too;
I wasn’t watching for you.”
 
We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said good-bye.
 
But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.
 
Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.
 
When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
“Move out of the way,” I said with a frown.


He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.
 
While I lay awake in bed,
God’s still small voice came to me and said,


“While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.
 
Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You’ll find some flowers there by the door.
 
Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.
 
He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise;
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.”
 
By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.
 
I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
“Wake up, little one, wake up,” I said.
 
“Are these the flowers you picked for me?”
He smiled, “I found them, out by the tree.
 
I picked them because they’re pretty like you.
I knew you’d like them, especially the blue.”
 
I said, “Son, I’m very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way.”
He said, “Oh, Mom, that’s okay.
I love you anyway.”
 
I said, “Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.”
 
FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.
 
And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don’t you think?
So what is behind the story?

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How to be a good parent

Good Tips for raising Children

RAISING children is a taunting task. It starts out really hard for parents who want to do a good job of caring for their children.
You think that all the hard work will pay off as the child gets older,
but things do not always stay the same.

Parents have to be consistent when dealing with children,
yet they have to keep up with the changes as their children grow and develop.

One father said this during a parenting seminar:
“I used to have many parenting theories before I became a parent.
Now that I am a father of three, I have no theories left.”
Parenting is all about learning and experiencing.
It requires work, time and loads of patience.

Language is the key to good communication between parents and children.
It is not a Western thing to talk to our children.
Using respectful language with children transcends all cultures.
Children learn from the way we communicate with them.

Shouting or yelling at your children will make matters worse.
They will open up to you when they feel secure, loved and respected.
Threats will only confuse them and make them fearful to share their thoughts.

Most parents want their children to listen to what they say.
They focus so much on seeking cooperation from their children that
they overlook the importance of developing the child’s character.
It is better for children to cooperate because it is the right thing to do, not because their parents told them so.

Parents forget that their children tend to mimic them in their behaviour
rather than internalise their words. You want your child to tell the truth at all times,
yet there are occasions when he hears you telling a white lie over the phone.

Children do make lots of mistakes; so do their parents.
They often hear their parents say:
“It is a harsh and difficult world out there.
I will teach you now so that you will not make the same mistakes.”

Many teenagers often feel misunderstood by their parents.
To them, the real world is the present, not the one in the future.
They need their parents to support them as they go through
the challenges of teenage years.
Help your children feel empowered and relate to their struggles.
Let them know you are there for them in their journey through life.

Children learn best when they have enough time to explore and develop one skill at a time.
Rushing children from one programme to another,
can lead to early burnout.
Children require guidance,
discipline and nurturing from their parents, not from others.
You cannot pay someone else to do what you can do for your child.
A parent’s love outweighs the best programmes in the world.

Make time for your children.
Enjoy being with them,
doing very little or a lot.
All that matters is that you are
there for your child and he is there for you.

Parents who try to influence their children’s ambition,
may be in for disappointment.
They do everything for their children
but their children blame them for many things
that happen in their lives.

Children who have the freedom to choose,
show more passion for their work.
Start right by helping them to do things for themselves.
Help them to make the right choice,
instead of making choices for them.
We have to change gears as children develop and grow.
What used to work with your child may no longer
be effective as he grows older.

Every child reacts differently to rules and consequences.
Children want to be treated as individuals,
not carbon copies of their siblings,
so avoid comparing them with others.

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