Archive for Relationship husband and wife
COMPLETE or FINISH LOVE
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH.
But there is a difference.
When you love the right one you are COMPLETE.
&
When you love the wrong one you are FINISHED!
Secret behind a happy married life
The Secret behind a happy married life
Once X asked Y, “What is the secret behind your happy married life?”
Y said, “You should share responsibilities with your love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”
X asked, “Can you explain?”
Y said, “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”
Still not convinced, X asked Y “Give me some examples”
Y said, “Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it”
X asked, “Then what is your role?”
Y said, “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iraq, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these”.
Best Divorce Letter
Best Divorce Letter
Dear wife:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years & I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife. Either you are cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that doesn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess.
I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me.
So take care.
Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl.
I hope that’s not a problem!
A Simple Solution to a Husband and Wife problem
Sometimes, some of life’s most difficult questions have a very simple
answers / solutions ………
Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage
anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single
conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had
gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known
“happy going marriage”.
Editor: “Sir. It’s amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible? ”
Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: “After marriage, during our honeymoon we went horse riding on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over. Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse’s back and said “This is your first time.” She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said “This is your second time” and hopped back on the horse and continued riding. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!
I shouted at my wife: “What did you do, you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?”
She gave a silent look and said: “This is your first time!!!”
Husband: “Well, that’s it. We are happy ever after.”
10 Romantic Actions you should try
1. Write “I love you” on the bathroom mirror with a piece of soap.
2. Place a little love note or poem under the driver’s-side windshield wiper of his or her car.
3. Every once in a while, kiss her hand with a flourish. Note: The proper way to kiss a woman’s hand is to lower your lips to her hand. You don’t raise her hand to your lips.
4. Have “your song” playing on the stereo when your partner returns home from work.
5. When out together in public, wink at your partner from across the room.
6. On your partner’s birthday, send a thank-you card to his/her mother.
7. Unplug the TV. Put a note on the screen saying, “Turn me on instead.”
8. Make a toast to one another every time you hold a wineglass. Make eye contact. Take turns making the toast. Whisper it.
9. Get the whole “family of products” in the fragrance of her favorite perfume (bath powder, soaps, cremes, candles, etc.)
10. Call your partner from work for no other reason than to say, “I love you.”
What I Want In A Man?
What I Want In A Man, Original List … (at age 22)
———— ——— ——— —–
1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. An Imaginative, Romantic LoverWhat I Want In A Man, Revised List … (at age 32)
1. Nice Looking – preferably with hair on his head
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner at restaurant
4. Listens more than he talks
5. Laughs at my jokes at appropriate times
6. Can carry in all the groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home cooked meal
9. Remembers Birthdays and Anniversaries
10. Seeks romance at least once a weekWhat I Want In A Man, Revised List … (at age 42)
1. Not too ugly – bald head OK
2. Doesn’t drive off until I’m in the car
3. Works steady – splurges on dinner at McDonalds on occasion
4. Nods head at appropriate times when I’m talking
5. Usually remembers the punchlines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears shirt that covers stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on most weekendsWhat I Want In A Man, Revised List … (at age 52)
1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed to appropriate length
2. Doesn’t belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn’t borrow money too often
4. Doesn’t nod off to sleep while I’m emoting
5. Doesn’t re-tell same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on Weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV Dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves on some weekendsWhat I Want In A Man, Revised List … (at age 62)
1. Doesn’t scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn’t require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when awake (LOUDLY when asleep)
5. Doesn’t forgets why he’s laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers when…What I Want In A Man, Revised List … (at age 72)
Wife Is PRICELESS
Is Wife PRICELESS?
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.
The door of his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring of a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.
In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.
He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.
He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”
She again smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?”
“Yes,” was his incredulous reply.
She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.“
Priceless, isn’t it?
Never Criticize
RIGHT SPEECH
There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that
‘A speech will either prosper or ruin a nation.’
Many relationships break off because of wrong speech. When a couple is too close with each other, we always forget mutual respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would hurt the other party.‘Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in the secondary school.’
A friend and her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a helmet saw her and shouted,
On the way home, her millionaire husband teased her, ‘Luckily you married me. Otherwise you will be the wife of a construction worker.’
She answered, ‘You should appreciate that you married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you.’
Frequently exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It’s like a broken egg – cannot be reversed.
Learning English by Uncle Teng 
